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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

khilaf bicara..

salam alaik to everbody that drop by in my blog..i actually run out of time..i am quite buzy now.. i'm so sorry for those who leave message for me in myYearbook, friendster, or tagged..sorry, i may be late to reply your message.. actually, today is a gloomy day 4 me..why?? i'll keep the answer for myself..for my friends, thanks to your concern toward me..i really appreciate it..thanks alot..eps to beDd. i may not able to answer ur question..but..thanks~ really glad coz i've such nice friends like u all.. i not stable for several days..maybe coz by little bit problem inside of myself..:)


very2 bad experience..i just can't sleep for the last 2 days.. i'm sick of thinking..sick of crying...not only a minute..i try 2 find, where the wrong actually..but, i can't found it..maybe its come from my mistake b4..i don't know..ada rasa tak puas hati dlm hati dia..why?? i just can get through his mind.. look like time change both of us.. either me or u..we're change!! i don't know why must i feel like this... his attitude..his personal life..his words..his..everything are change. it make me feel that i'm not suit with he.. look like...i'm not at the same level with he.. i feel so down.. rasa rendah diri sgt2 bila disisi dia.. i'm nothing..not something when i'm with him.. its hurt me damn much..coz i love him to much!! rasa mcm xlayak untuk dia.. seakan2 aku xseharusnya disisi dia... rasa rendah diri yg sgt2..rasa macam kehidupn kami berdua ni terdapat satu jurang yg maha dalam..yg memisahkan aku dan dia.. sedih sgt bila aku terfikirkan hal ni.. aku terasa seolah2 adalah satu kesilapan bersama dia.. did i've done something stupid?

adakah sume ni sbb aku terlalu sygkan dia? atau ada sebab lain? aku pn xtau knp mesti ini yg aku rasa..sakit sangat2..sakit yg amat sangat..ia seolah2 memaksa seluruh panca indera aku berjaga..memikirkan dia.. letihnya ALLAH saja yg tahu..hari ini..selera aku mati..mati dalam kesedihan yg amat sgt..aku xmakan nasik pun..badan dah shacking..tp, perut aku xrasa lapar..aku just makan maggi (makanan yg mak HARAMkan ke atas aku sejak aku jth sakit).. and air..tp, aku xlalu nk makan pn...aku cuma rasa dahaga sepanjang hari..dahaga..terasa macm nk demam coz aku xcukup tdo..kepala pening..and i take nescafe for tonite..look like nk bunuh diri jew..hahahaa~ xla...i just can't push myself anymore... i know he know my feeling right now..

biarlah ALLAH saja yg tahu apa yg ada dlm hati ini..DIA lebih berhak keatas diri aku.. final exam is coming...i just can't wait and see..i need to do something..thesis still static.. i feel bored with my supervisor! i really need 2 c her, but what i got?? tolong la faham..aku just ada 2 minggu lagi..and aku dah anta the same questionnaire to her 4 times!! but, i can't see her, the questionnaire c her!! what the questionnaire can say?? damn shit!! i totally hate to say these kind of words..but her attitude make me crazy!! i don't know what the matter tha she's busy for?? KP pn ada masa nk jmpa kitorang..dia lecturer biasa...aduhh...sume dak2 ngan dia dah mati akal camne nk jmpa dia..tired!! bkn dia aje yg ada komitmen lain..aku pn ade..dak2 lain pun ade gak komitmen lain.. dgn nk exam lagi..asgment lagi..thesis lagi..time kita nk jmpa dia, dia xde.. so, mcm mane kite nk siap on time?? aku pelik betul la..kenapa kitorang je yg dinilai? kenapa lectr x dinilai kerja diorang? how they treat us?? sedih btl laku...kalau dh tau xmampu nk jd lecturer.. berilah peluang pada orang yg berminat nk jd lectr..yg boleh bg full commitment pd pelajar..jgn la jd supervisor kalau dh xde masa.. i'm so frustated with her!

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